Redefining The American Dream

A tragedy occurred in Mt. Airy, MD recently: a murder-suicide involving a husband, wife, and their 2 children.

No note was left, so the true motive will never be known, but due to the family’s economic situation, financial strain is being speculated as the cause. A decline in profits from a home improvement business and a house on the market for over a year may have lead a man to kill his family and then take his own life. I can’t imagine the unbelievable pain and anguish someone must be in to lead them to such a drastic step; but I can say with some certainty, it was unnecessary. And though it has not been absolutely determined to be the cause in this instance, there have been many similar cases where this is indeed the reason for such drastic, horrific measures. We have gotten so far from what’s truly important in life we feel our children are better off dead than living below middle-class.

In my area of Maryland, not too far from Mt. Airy, I have friends ranging from well-off to head just above water, though on all ends of the spectrum, no one seems to think they are doing well. How is this possible? According to the US Census Bureau, the median income in Carroll County in 2007 was $79,803. So, how are people making $80,000 a year in the same boat as those making $40,000? How did the American Dream make $80,000 a year the poverty line in some people’s minds? Do we truly believe a job as a school janitor, a 2-bedroom apartment, only 1 car, and food on the table is a failure? So much so, that we’d rather not live, than live without?

Our economic crisis unfolded as we all chased a fleeting image of what we felt we deserved. And when we caught it, and didn’t have the money to buy, we got in bed with the banks and let them control the situation. We accepted everything from “sub-prime” mortgages to credit cards that increased your limit anytime you came within $200. We lost control of our financial selves and when we were finally forced to stop and see what had come of it, we gasped. And then we started pointing fingers. And as the economy as a whole began to further decline, we asked the government how they were going to fix it. But, in the end, we can only blame ourselves because we are the only ones we can fix. Right now, as the realization of our monumental mistakes become clear, is the time to show our true character. Everyone talks about finding our real selves in the tough times, well that time is here. Now is the time to see what we can live without. What’s truly important can’t be paid off over time.

I’m not without fault. I’m constantly worrying how I will pay my $600 credit card payment. A payment that slowly grew over time as I tried to avoid facing my financial issues. A payment that reflects so many things I could have lived without. Some days I feel I’m at the bottom of the economic barrel, with no way out. Yet, when reality slaps me in the face, I realize, my priorities need to be readjusted. A few weeks ago, I was pulling into a Shell parking lot when I noticed a man clutching a little girl’s hand and in the other he held a baby in a carrier. The sight warmed me and I smiled. As I pumped my gas and made faces at my son through the back window, the image quickly faded from my mind. As I drove away, I noticed them, along with a dozen others, standing in front of a building next door. It was then I noticed the sign on the building, “Family Services”. And directly above the man and his children was a sign that read “Food”. Since then, I haven’t been able to shake the image of this man and his children crossing the street, to me seeming just a happy family out for a stroll, when in fact he was headed to a place to ask for food for his children. I worry about how I’m going to pay a credit card bill and he worries about how is going to feed his kids. Perspective is usually hidden in a piece of humble pie.

As I was growing up, my mother worked everywhere from a gas station to an industrial laundry mat. My dad was a laborer in a heat treating plant that left him with medical problems for the rest of his life. My parents chased the American Dream and it left them with irreparable damage to their credit. We moved a lot, sitting here now I’m counting 10 homes I lived in before my 15th birthday. Some were purchased, most rented. Of those 10 houses, 3 were foreclosed on, 1 burnt to the ground, and 1 flooded. I’m not without a story, but I never felt I was missing out. My mother planted flowers in front of every single one of those houses. And I called all of them home. Even today, when I go to my parent’s house, a place I’ve never lived, I feel at home. It’s where my parents are, their scents, their voices, their laughter, the pictures from my childhood, the knick knacks I’ve seen a 1000 times. It’s where the things that matter are.

And some may say my parents never got the American Dream. But they’ve gotten to love the same person for 40 years, raise 4 children who still speak to them regularly, spoil 6 grandchildren, and on the rare occasion they have a few extra dollars in the bank, they get a crappy motel room, no more than 20 miles from their home, and spend an evening on the beach together. If that’s not the American Dream, then perhaps we should redefine it. If my parents had decided to end it all the first time they lost everything, I wouldn’t have made it to my 2nd birthday.

Everyone’s problems are real and I don’t discount them, but in the larger view of life we have to worry about the things that matter. Could Charles Dalton have had a decent life without his business or home? Unfortunately, we’ll never know, but my thought is yes. Because a business and home don’t make you what you are. The people who love you do. Possessions can only define us if we let them and sometimes the only way to keep that from happening is to just let it go.

**Published Eldersburg Advocate 10/21/09